confused elation

i know i haven't written much lately; i've not written a lot in general as of late. i've had a hard time processing my thoughts and coming up with much worth saying... although there is always something out there to say. words are precious, worth taking the time to spend the extra thought and moment before sharing them with the world.

i found out today that rebecca, the ms lifelines nurse i've been working with this past year, has resigned from her position. she called me and told me about it. she has a new job lined up that she is really excited about, and i am excited for her, honestly. i really am. she has become a good friend, and i am excited to see her do something for herself and her family--that is so important. i know we will stay friends, i'm not worried about that. i will miss her, that's for sure. but...i would be more excited if it didn't toss my world upside down on its head!!

without a field nurse, our monthly CHAT's are no more. that's been...my sole source of support within the ms community here in kansas city, and it means a lot to me. rebecca isn't sure they are going to replace her or not, so...

we're left dangling.

to say i'm sad about this is a complete underexaggeration. try depressed. disappointed. hurt. lost. confused. anxious. wind knocked out of me.

how do you balance wanting the best for someone when it turns your own world upside down and puts it into a state of confusion? it's a hard paradox. i don't like it.